My FMIL has offered to pay for my dress. A lovely gesture. She has set a very generous budget for it and H2B is always on about involving her more. So when the Dusk Bridal Fair happened we asked if she would like to come along. Of course she said yes so off the 3 of us went. I am on the topic of dresses but this expo will be brought up again in other posts.
So we were looking at dresses. After awhile they all start to be the same. Each stall has the same dresses just with slight differences. Same dress but there it’s in white and over there ivory, some have it strapless others with straps and so on. And then I saw “IT”. It was stunning. A complete one of a kind thing that most people would not like but I loved it. I can’t find a picture of it either but the word “frou frou” comes to mind. The rack size was an 8 (that won’t even fit over my thigh) and there were not change rooms either so speaking to the lady, I asked if I could make an appointment to try on the dress. She also assured me I would be able to try it on in my size or at least one I could put on just maybe not do up. Which is fine by me, I have seen heaps of people do dresses that way. So I made the appointment.
So a couple of Sundays ago now, Mum, FMIL, Pony and obviously myself as well, all headed to this particular bridal shop. After telling the lady at the desk I had an appointment we were lead around the store being shown all different gowns before we came to the one we went for. The lady put it in the change rooms and we had another look around making sure nothing else caught my eye (which Mum and FMIL were kinda hoping for as they were not 100% on it) So there was a couple of others and they got added to the change room. The ladies took their seat and I went through the embarrassing task of stripping to my underwear in front of a skinny sales lady as she got the dresses ready. The Dress was the first one to be tried on. Only this time, after I bent slightly so it could be pulled over my head I didn’t get to stand up in surprise with a gorgeous dress on. It didn’t even make it over my boobs. She then asked me to try to get into it by stepping into it, but as I predicted – didn’t even go over my thigh. I questioned her about the size after being assured at the expo they had a larger size in this design I would made the whole appointment to try on. It was a larger design she assured me. This one was the 12 not the 8 as seen at Expo.
Giving up on The Dress we tried another and another, by which time I had no self confidence left, felt even larger than I normally do and had a face as red as a tomato. My posse who was waiting patiently outside started calling in asking what was taking so long which only made my embarrassment level raise to a height I didn’t know existed, especially when the sales lady refused to give into my plea that its ok and I’ll just put my jeans and shirt back on for a hint of dignity and that’ll be that. I don’t know how many gowns I wasted my time stepping into before I almost lost it and told her enough. I pushed the dress she had in her hands away and said slightly annoyed “Seriously, do you think that’s going to fit after all this?”
She was trying to find something she thought would fit me but her tone of voice had changed from bubbly and helpful to almost fed up. We both knew time was being wasted only she was going for good customer service and didn’t want to say so first. So I got my clothes back on, thanked her for her time and walked out. It didn’t help that FMIL and Mum kept asking 100 questions and Mum got all defensive and did the mothering thing which made the tears that I had been managing to cover start to spill out which made them all fuss over me even more. If I could do something to block out memories of that morning – I would. Drugs? Sign me up.
So I was feeling pretty dam shit. I didn’t think this was meant to happen when wedding things are involved. It’s a happy time, I’m the bride aren’t I meant to be swooned over and have everything I could want at my beck and call? We went and had coffee and it was very awkward as we all had our own thoughts going on and no one wanting to say anything as I was obviously upset. Even FMIL was quiet (and this N E V E R happens!)My previous happy dress trying on seemed like forever ago. Did it actually happen? This one was exactly as I had imagined so why was I so disappointed?
I have read some shocking stories of larger ladies (14 is not even plus size!!) and their experiences on the same thing but at least my sales lady was well, nicer than the ones I had heard about. So why did I expect to be immune to this? But why should we even be subjected to it? Looking at larger brides, no offence to them, but their dresses are usually plain, lacking detail as most have just settled for what is available to them. Its like normal shopping, do they think because we are big we don’t want to wear the latest season fashion – oversized t-shirt and tracky pants is not everyone’s idea of clothing even in the area I come from, and neither are cotton collard shirts that Mums wear. I get most of clothes from City Chic (Supre for larger ladies) only unlike Supre, we don’t get the luxury of 2 tops for $10 and everything starts at a minimum of $60 or online shopping like Ezibuy where again most things are $50 and up. Surely a few centimetres of fabric doesn’t cost that much more in order to justify those prices. The population is larger, shouldn’t we stop being punished and embarrassed and stores start to cater for the majority? Either way, I am still on my workout diet in hopes of fitting into the norm and being able to shop at Live, Supre, Forever New, Sports girl (really any store) and go on shopping spree for $50 and not walk away with a scarf or hat. My biggest thing now - not be put to shame when I have to find the dress I am marrying my Mr in. Just because I am big why cant I feel beautiful or fashionable and not that I am the ugly fat chick that sticks out from a mile away?? Sure my H2B loves me as I am, but I do not love myself and that plays a big part as well.....
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