Domestic Goddess?

I can cook.

Just.

I used to be an awesome cook much to my parents delight. There was always a supply of cake or muffins and at 12 I could easily do a full roast dinner, veg and yorkshire pud and all! I used to do a lot of it when I wasn't feeling great and had my cranky pants on. And none of this packet crap, all from scratch!! You could tell my mood by what I cooked if at all. If all was fine and dandy, the oven was cold. If I was feeling depressed or upset or angry etc.... The mixer would be begging to be left alone in the cupboard. Not that I would eat what I cooked, I had a few issues early teenhood and looking at me now and my lifestyle, I have changed so much.

When Grandad passed, I baked. I baked three full tiers of cupcakes, 8 sheets of pastry were turned into savoury bits, 2 roasts, a cake and white coconut rough slice. I dont know why, cooking just lets me focus on one thing, it doesn't matter what is going on away from the kitchen or on things I have no control over because I do in the kitchen.

When I cook for fun, like when I made H2B his favourite Pecan Pie or some Pork Pies as a treat for our Dads (gotta love the english ancestory) it's hard. And things burn.

Alot.

Anyway, on Saturday, I hobbled around the shops and stopped at Boffins Books and just wandered about looking and came across the cooking section. I never was a fan of Nigella, the melon skit I saw on a comedy show just kinda put me off but a couple months ago I made her Roasted Pork Belly and loved it. It was easy to follow and no burning. So I've since converted and think she is awesome. I was looking at her books and a few others and have decided I am going to buy them all by the end of this year and next year, my aim is become a Domestic Goddess.

Not to cliche sounding is it?

As a wife, I want to maintain my independant ways, I am not going to sit at home as a housewife. But inside, isn't there just that little inch of desire to be just a little Stepford? To cook the meals your friends rave about for months after, to throw dinner parties and keep house? I will keep working full time until we do have kids, and then I will return to work. That tiny inch of desire is wanting that Domestic Goddess in me to come out.

I don't think it's a matter of doing and having it all. I want a simple life, I don't want to be a CEO or anything as extreme as that career wise. I would like to own my own business, and am currently looking into my study options and trying a short course in Interior Design and Decorating. Simple yes. Boring and Basic, no.

More and more and I have been thinking about after the wedding.

I want to be the best wife I can be and not loose that sense of myself.

We've been together for 7 years, he knows who I am and I know who he is and now with the wedding we are showing everyone else that we are an US. It shouldnt make that much difference, it's just a piece of paper but somehow I feel it does. It makes things more official and final. We are married. We are joined. I promise myself to him and he has promised his self to me.

For Better or Worse.

After 7 years, 2 properties and a pup called Ella later it would seem we are already quite joined.

Do you think the bit of paper matters??

Does this even make any sense to anyone but me?!